Woodstock — An American family’s vacation ended in confusion and disappointment today upon their realization that New Brunswick is not really all that special after all.
Interviewed at an Irving gas bar as he stopped for cheap gas and road snacks before crossing back into the safety and security of America, tourist Todd Bradley was a man defeated. He hung his head, muttering to himself about being royally ripped off as he topped up the tank to his Cadillac Escalade. His bleary-eyed family stared blankly out the car windows, knowing that they would never step foot in this god-awful place again.
“It’s been 2 weeks of my life I’ll never get back. This place ain’t the U.S., that’s for sure,” stated Bradley, a resident of Newark, N.J. “And what about the kids? I promised them wolverines and maple candy trees. What did we end up with? A lobster trap tied to the roof rack and a case of your strong beer.
“This place really sucks. Yer money’s all messed up too, with all them colours. We couldn’t find a Six Flags park, or a Krispy Kreme or a Bass River Pro Shop. Did we take a wrong turn and miss the real New Brunswick, or is this it?
“We thought this place was supposed to be the ‘Picture Province,'” he continued, his hands making sarcastic quotation signs in the air. “We expected to take pictures of the glaciers and igloos, and forests full of white pine. That petting zoo in the village of Saint John’s don’t count, neither,” Bradley finished, before hurling a spit of chaw on the oil-stained ground. “I think the kids took one picture next to a dead raccoon — that’s it.”
Bradley’s experience echoes a common theme across New Brunswick in the summer of 2015, as an increasing number of tourists choose to drive straight through the province rather than stop and risk disappointment. While the provincial government has discussed installing toll booths on major highways to slow drivers down enough, talks are still in the preliminary stages.