Brian Gallant thinks everyone finally forgot his government abolished tuition rebates

Brian Gallant thinks everyone finally forgot his government abolished tuition rebates

New Brunswick — A quick look through a window with a pair of Canadian Tire binoculars revealed to local birdwatcher Terry Forbes today that Premier Brian Gallant fully believes that everyone forgot he abolished tuition rebates in New Brunswick last year.

According to Forbes, Gallant had the Change.org petition to bring back the tuition rebate open on his computer, and was shaking with laughter at what is assumed to be the paltry 19,097 signatures.

“He had this smug smirk on his face, see, and he was pounding his desk, just roaring with laughter while scrolling through the comments,” explained Forbes.

A Manatee reporter tried to contact Gallant to confirm Forbes’ theory, but was told by a representative that the premier “does not do media interviews anymore.” Our reporter confirmed with other provincial news agencies that nobody has secured an interview with Gallant for the past few months.

The government official did confirm that Gallant was recently in a conversation with Finance Minister Roger Melanson and the premier was overheard to say that had the Change.org petition reached a full 20,000 signatures, “maybe the Liberal government would consider thinking about beginning to talk about starting to look at the petition.”

The spokesperson also said on the record that Gallant recently stated to his employees that “the great thing about politics is that you can piss people off, and a year later they’ve already forgotten or have moved on to a new issue.”

Many of those made aware of his shameless display have expressed outrage and disgust.

“Now that’s just the cherry on the cake! I’m saddled with student debt, can’t get a job, and he took away one of the only money-makers I get all year besides E.I. And now he laughs at me? I’m moving to P.E.I.!” spat a furious Peter Thompson of Riverview.

“I thought that 19,000 signatures would be enough to show the government that yes, people are affected and really do care about the cut,” said a somber Sherry Aiken of Petitcodiac. “But they could not care less about what the public actually thinks. This province is doomed.”

“Most of my friends have already left, and I don’t blame them. There is nothing here for grads of post-secondary education,” said Ethan Miller of Sackville.

The Manatee tried one last time to interview Gallant, but could only get as close as his heavy wooden office doors before being ushered away by security while a chilling laugh rang through the empty halls.

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