Colony of wooded sprites found dead in rubble of Saint John Jellybean Houses

Colony of wooded sprites found dead in rubble of Saint John Jellybean Houses

Saint John — Despite protests from local history buffs, demolition of Wellington Row’s Jellybean Houses began on the morning of April 8. In the following hours, as nearby residents combed through debris in hopes of finding a memento, a gruesome discovery revealed itself.

“They were Type C sprites — typically found in forest areas, but in recent centuries they have taken refuge in magical landmarks such as Jellybean Houses.”

Sadie O’Halloran is a professor of Mythology at University of New Brunswick, Saint John.

When O’Halloran arrived on the scene, Saint Johners were scavenging for sprite corpses, hoping to ingest some of their magical properties and obtain good fortune. She scoffed at the sight.

“That’s not even how magic works, man.”

Sprites, nymphs and leprechauns do not enjoy the same rights as humans in Canada because they have been assumed extinct despite evidence from scholars such as O’Halloran.

“It’s a catch-22,” she said. “They aren’t given rights such as housing because the government doesn’t acknowledge they exist; however, they do not reveal themselves to those who have not gone through the sacred rites of magical faith.”

Police on the scene were largely unsympathetic. One constable, who asked not to be named, offered the following contradiction: “If these things do exist, and I’m not admitting they do, they’re probably what have been eating away at the structure for all those years… what’re they called, ‘wooded’ sprites? Yeah, sounds like termites or something.”

SJPF media relations officer Sgt. Laura MacPherson offered no comment on the callousness of officers’ hearts.

The Jellybean Houses have been a tourist destination for over a century. They are believed by some to have survived the Great Saint John Fire of 1877 due to the owners offering amnesty to supernatural beasts.

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