Fredericton — Post-Secondary Education Minister Donald Arseneault was the one who got schooled yesterday. The lesson? Don’t spank the premier, even if it’s his birthday.
At a news conference yesterday afternoon, the PETL minister appeared to be sullen and embarrassed when Gallant announced that the mischievous minister was being put on “a time out.” The premier said that Arseneault “knows what he did was wrong, and he needs some time off to think about what he’s done.”
“It’s no secret that Don thinks of Brian as a little brother and he teases him relentlessly,” confided Roger Melanson after the news conference. “Donnie’s like a big Labrador retriever sometimes, he means no harm but he doesn’t know when to quit. It was only a matter of time before he took it too far.”
The birthday brouhaha began when the cabinet took the youthful premier out to lunch to celebrate his 35th birthday. Arseneault was reportedly squirming in his seat throughout the entire meal with a “doofus grin” on his face, according to an unnamed staffer. Near the end of the meal, the waitress brought Gallant a cupcake with a candle and Arseneault sprung from his seat.
“Everyone has heard of the Maritime tradition of ‘buttering your nose’ on your birthday for good luck, right?” recounted Rick Doucet. “Well, Donnie got Brian with a toonie-sized glob right on his nose! We all had a good laugh for a few seconds, but then we noticed that the front of Arseneault’s suit was literally covered in butter. It’s like he’d been holding a pound of butter in his lap for the entire meal, waiting for the right moment. It was a bit much, really.”
“Then, Don shouted to the entire restaurant that it was time to give ‘Mr. Premier his 35 birthday spankings,'” cringed Cathy Rogers. “He started chasing the premier around the restaurant giggling, slapping Brian’s ass and getting butter everywhere. It was a nightmare.”
Back at the news conference on the suspension, Gallant finished saying, “I’m confident that after time off to reflect, Don will be able return to work at — AUGH!”
“WET WILLY!!” Arseneault screamed, after putting a moist finger in the premier’s ear.