Duel in Doaktown: New Maryland loses title of 'Village of Last Fatal Duel'

New Maryland — In a tragic incident on Thursday, the village of New Maryland lost its title of the village of the last fatal duel in New Brunswick.

This title has been New Maryland’s pride and joy since the duel on Oct. 2, 1821 in which George Ludlow Wetmore was killed. Villagers gathered at the New Maryland Recreation Centre to mourn the loss of their unique identity.

“I’m at a loss for words; this is truly a sad day for New Marylanders,” sobbed Glen Smith, a local resident. “I don’t know how we’ll be able to brand ourselves as special anymore.”

The mayor of the village held a press conference announcing that, due to the cost of removing the words “The Village of New Brunswick’s Last Fatal Duel and Resting Place” from the sign, the village was announcing bankruptcy.

“I’m sad to say there will be no New Maryland Days on June 1st this year.”

The Wetmore-Street Pub, which was named after the victim of the last fatal duel, will be relocating to Doaktown, the new Site of New Brunswick’s Last Fatal Duel. The pub will be renamed The Blisett-Street Pub after the new duel victim in Doaktown.

“It’s just such an important part of our branding,” explained the owner of the Wetmore-Street Pub. “We didn’t want to have to rename our famous ‘3,2,1, Draw-Your-Buns-Burger’ or ‘Freshly Shot Chicken’.”

New Maryland’s neighbouring city councillors at Fredericton City Hall held a minute of silence for New Marylanders and the loss of their unique identity today.

 

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