New Brunswick — According to Social Development Minister Cathy Rogers, the Gallant government is considering a provincial holiday in February in an effort to get more Facebook likes, which they hope will translate to increased popularity and a chance at re-election in 2018.
“Premier Brian Gallant is dedicated to this province, and will stop at nothing to see it grow and thrive,” said Rogers, “notably, by bribing the voting public with an extra day off so they forget, or wilfully ignore, our poor policy decisions and sinking approval ratings.”
In a press release, the Gallant government said it is looking at other provinces that have marked the third Monday in February as a holiday — including neighbouring Nova Scotia and PEI — comparing their social media metrics and going over the likes and comments on their respective Facebook pages in a jealous rage.
“Giving hard-working New Brunswickers a chance to take a break from filling out their EI forms and spend a day with their families or whatever could lead to a more engaged and productive workforce that would have an increased likelihood of voting for us in 2 years,” Rogers added.
“For this to matter, a person would need to have an actual job to have a holiday from,” Rogers clarified. “There are a few jobs left in New Brunswick. I swear. We’re working on that.”
Voters may remember former premier Shawn Graham also promising a February holiday as a last-ditch effort to save his failing campaign for re-election in 2010. Rogers maintains the Gallant government is not going down the same road.
“We are even considering a contest on our Facebook page to help name the holiday,” she said. “Early ideas include Family Day, Netflix Day, Brian Gallant Day, Brian Gallant Re-election Day, Re-elect Brian Gallant Day, or Liberal Day. We’ll go with whatever name has the most likes by the end of September 2018.
“Or maybe we’ll just go with Family Day. Whatever. I mean c’mon, don’t you people just want another day off?”
The government’s press release ends by asking members of the public to “like and share” the news on Facebook and requests they not scroll down without typing “I promise to vote for Brian Gallant in 2018” in the comments.
Whatever you do, do NOT read this comment. Most NBers would think this is true if posted on Facebook.