Fredericton — At the end of February, CARMA, a cat-rescue group in New Brunswick, launched an online survey for residents in an effort to count every single stray cat in the Picture Province. Well, you can take one off the board thanks to New Brunswick’s suddenly empathetic leader, Brian Gallant.
Yesterday, the premier uploaded a picture of himself with his new feline friend with the caption “Blaze has some competition” to his Twitter account and tweeted that “all New Brunswickers should be as thoughtful as me and help get these kitties new homes — maybe they can even be as successful as Kitty Fuzzyton Feet.”
The tweet left Gallant’s followers abuzz as to what he meant by his new cat being successful; some speculated that he was possibly relinquishing control of the province to his new cat-companion.
“With Kitty Fuzzyton Feet, maybe now we’ll get a leader who cares about women’s rights,” tweeted a hyper-specifically named @catscareaboutgirlsmorethangallantdoes in reply to Gallant.
When questioned about the meaning of his own cryptic tweet, Gallant assured reporters that he wasn’t relinquishing anything, and surprised everyone by announcing that the cat will be taking over Labour Minister Donald Aresenault’s duties on a temporary basis as Arseneault is being sent for re-training.
“It all started last Thursday,” recalled Gallant. “Middle of the afternoon, nothing to do, so I’m just flippin’ through the Gleaner — just to be clear, I didn’t pay for it, it’s some Alward guy’s old subscription that he must not have stopped when he moved out. So anyway, flippin’ through and I see this cute little fella featured as ‘pet of the week.'”
Gallant detailed his new pet’s rise to the most powerful cat in the province.
“So, I see ‘pet of the week’ and think to myself, ‘Bri, he’s pet of the week and you’re premier of the century — you guys belong together!’ I tried to get Horsey to go get me the cat, but apparently they actually need the person adopting the pet to come down in person — they probably just wanted to see me in real life. And then Kitty Fuzzyton Feet came home with me.”
The premier told The Manatee that he instantly fell in love with his friend and couldn’t bear the thought of spending a full day’s work — which is three hours — without Fuzzyton by his side.
“So I brought him to work with me, and everyone loved him except for Don. Apparently he has some ‘terrible allergy’ to cats that could ‘potentially kill him’ or whatever. So, Don’s been suspended for a few weeks while he gets his ‘allergy’ under control, and who knows? If Kitty Fuzzyton Feet does a better job, which isn’t a huge stretch, maybe Don will have to find something else — we’re definitely going to have the two of them interview against one another.”
Gallant said Areseneault wasn’t the only one to give him flak over his new companion.
“Oh yeah, Blaze was super-jealous, too,” he admitted. “He wouldn’t even sleep at the top of the bed anymore — pretty immature if you ask me. And so, I’ve decided to make Blaze an honorary member of the cabinet, too. As of today, Blaze is the Minister of Smelling Things and the Minister of Who’s at the Door? That’ll keep him happy I think.”