Liberals bypassing legislature because it’s ‘creepy’ and ‘probably haunted’

Liberals bypassing legislature because it’s ‘creepy’ and ‘probably haunted’

Fredericton — The Gallant government has been avoiding the legislature for the past several months. Instead of presenting and debating their agenda like real, grown-up politicians, the Liberals are steering clear of the old building altogether and meeting in living rooms and coffee shops across the province.

“Any major policy change should be brought to the legislature and debated,” said Opposition Leader Bruce Fitch. “It’s an act of contempt to the legislature that the Liberals refuse to sit there for any significant amount of time. I mean, what do they have against the legislature?”

“That building is rank!” exclaimed Gallant when pressed for comment. “Every time I’m sitting in there I just keep staring at the cobwebs in the windows and wondering why we can’t seem to hire any maids or housekeeping staff to really get in there and clean. Not only is it dirty, but it’s super creepy, and probably haunted.”

Francis Talbot, a political scientist at the University of Ottawa, said that although Fitch is correct, there is no way to force a majority government to obey parliamentary traditions passed down from someone’s dead great-great-grandfather, who is likely still wandering the halls of the legislature dragging rusty chains and moaning in pain.

“I see Bruce’s point for sure, but honestly, look at that decrepit building!” said Talbot. “I don’t really blame Gallant for not wanting to spend more time there than necessary. In fact when I visited, I could swear I saw the Ghost of Question Period Future warning me about the state of the province. I ran outta there.”

“Legislators should use the legislature,” said Fitch, who doesn’t believe in spirits, ghosts, demons, or the afterlife. “Heck, I’ll grab some Mr. Clean and a mop bucket and clean the place myself this weekend, if it means Brian will get his pansy ass in there and do his actual job.”

Gallant said he has no plan to sit in what he calls “that vile old hellhole.”

“I’ve spent 32 whole days in there since I came to power, and I don’t intend to sit there even a minute more,” said the premier. “Can’t we just use Google Hangouts for this kind of thing?”

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