New Brunswick — Struggling to stay relevant and in-demand in today’s stagnant economy? The Manatee has devised the ultimate Top 10 list of ways to look busy and irreplaceable at your meaningless office job:
- Eat lunch at your desk so co-workers assume you’re too busy to take a break
- Leave your car in the parking lot after hours so your boss thinks you’re pulling an all-nighter
- Carry around a blank piece of paper to and from the photocopier all day; look annoyed and sigh loudly each time you look down at the paper
- Get a cardboard cutout of yourself or someone who looks similar to you; place it at your desk during breaks
- Set an automatic email reply saying you’re “swamped” but will “get to it ASAP”
- If you’re caught watching YouTube videos, say they’re job tutorials
- If your boss catches you browsing job-search sites, say you’re “scoping out the competition”
- Tie up the other employees in a storage closet and then say to your boss, “Huh, I guess I’m the only one who cares enough about this company to show up”
- Constantly book the board room and hire unemployed New Brunswickers to look like they’re in a meeting with you
- Replace your co-worker’s PowerPoint slides on ROI with something less professional like bags of dog shit, so you look competent by comparison