New Brunswick — With the federal campaign finally over, politically minded New Brunswickers are trying to find ways to repurpose campaign signs, as resources are scarce in the picture province and they spent good money on those signs. The Manatee has this helpful listicle for any political recycler. Share it with your local campaigners to help greenify New Brunswick.
1. Promote your business: Ditch the standard 3.5- by 2-inch business cards and make a lasting impression with a 6- by 3-foot sign with your face on it. The only downside is your card won’t fit in the ballot box to win a free lunch at a crappy restaurant.
2. Advertise your delivery service: Keith Ashfield of Fredericton cleverly added a sticker with the word “delivers” to his signs mid-campaign and is now taking that idea and running with it. “When life hands you crabapples, you make crabapple soup,” said Ashfield as he was delivering a Greco party pizza and a 12-pack of Moosehead to the office of Matt DeCourcey who defeated him in last week’s election.
3. Make scarecrows: An old hat, overalls and a body made out of straw failing to keep those pesky birds away from your crops? If a giant sign of a politician striking a pose can’t scare them away, we don’t know what will.
4. Save them for future elections: So what if the candidate lost by more than 10,000 votes and came in 5th place in the riding, even behind the Bloq? Try and try again we say — it worked for Elizabeth May.
5. Create a family portrait: There’s a good chance that many candidates are finding themselves pretty cash-strapped after the ever-lasting campaign trail. Find someone who’s a whiz at Photoshop and get them to superimpose your family into your road-sign and hang that sucker on the wall — relish these memories.
6. Make a movie poster: Write a movie about your life, sell the script while retaining the rights to star in it as yourself and use your losing campaign ads to cut down on cost promoting your hopeful blockbuster film.
7. Use them as firewood: If you’ve suffered a loss so embarrassing that you never want to see your own face again — we’re looking at you, NDP — then chop up your signs, hole yourself up in a cabin and burn away your sorrows. You probably have enough signage to last a few years before you have to show yourself in public again.
8. Sell them to future candidates: Had enough of the political limelight? Returning to your old, crappy job as a lawyer or government worker and need someone else to take the reigns? Sell off your signage at a reduced rate and have stickers made to cover your old mug.
9. Donate them to graffiti artists: These young punks have been dying to spray-paint some horns and a moustache on your headshot for months — let them have their fun.
10. Repair the roads: We all know that the roads in New Brunswick suck. Donate these signs to the Department of Transportation and cover up the millions of potholes with the faces of losers.