Saint John — Local lush Jeremy Kilbride, 41, was enraged to find out he was not selected for the coveted position of Brewery Ambassador for Moosehead in Saint John.
We caught up with Kilbride at O’Leary’s Pub where, at 11 a.m. on Monday, he was on his fourth pint of the day.
“Just a little… hairrr o’ the doggg…” he slurred. He then slapped his face a few times to sober up enough for the interview.
“So yeah… I drink Moosehead every day!” began the boozer. “And I bought a 2-4 of Alpine just last night. And the night before that, come to think of it. I got all their swag at home and I don’t have a job, so I’d be perfect for this! Perfect! They didn’t even call me back, though. They musta hired some square.”
Our reporter read parts of the job posting aloud to Kilbride, and asked whether he really thought himself capable of tasks including “accurately updating and entering tour information into a database,” working “cross-functionally with Brewing, Packaging, Marketing, Sales and Communications,” and responsibly “ensuring tours follow all safety protocol.”
“Whatdyya mean?” asked Kilbride, belching loudly. “I don’t think it would really involve all that stuff. They’re just trying to scare away anyone who’s not a die-hard Moosehead fan with all that mumbo-jumbo about safety and marketing. They’re weeding out the posers.
“I’ve been drinkin’ their product for 20 years — they owe me!”
We contacted Moosehead for comment. A communications rep informed us that Kilbride had never actually submitted an application.
“He did wander into the building and try to mount the life-sized stuffed moose we have displayed in the lobby,” wrote the rep in an email, “and we were forced to escort him off the premises. Before security apprehended him, he yelled at our receptionist, claiming he deserved a job. While we cannot offer him a position at this time, Mr. Kilbride is welcome to apply for an upcoming competitions.”
Kilbride stated that because he has no recollection of the events in the email, “there’s no way that coulda happened!”