Moncton — Moncton Miracles president Steve Truman says that unless the team is able to secure an owner, they may not remain financially viable. Nevertheless, he asserts that he is constantly looking for creative ways to find funding elsewhere. Recently, he has hit upon a new strategy which he says is sure to bring in the cash flow.
“See, all of our players are under contract, therefore, in a sense, they’re beholden to us until that contract runs out,” explained Truman. “So when they’re not on the court, we’re going to farm them out to the highest bidder. We’ve already got them doing odd jobs around the office.”
Despite the fact that this plan sound pretty iron-clad, there are some people who have questioned just what kind of person would pay to rent a basketball player to perform assorted tasks around the house.
“Well short people, definitely,” he said. “Short people will love something like this.”
While he insists that he would much rather just “let the boys play the game,” he says there is much more that needs to be considered when running a sports team.
“I think that baseball is incredibly important to the cultural diversity of this city–” began Truman.
“Basketball,” corrected his administrative assistant, who was filing a report with one hand while spinning a Spalding on the other.
“Yeah, basketball too. And hockey and soccer, all of those things… but you gotta remember that this is also a business, and you can’t forget about the hard line.”
The Miracles will be auctioning off players this Friday in the alleyway behind the Moncton Coliseum. All who have large sums of money are welcome. When asked whether he felt that it was an ethical concern that the majority of the players he would effectively selling as servants are people of colour, Truman shrugged and said, “Nah.”