Saint John — Long-suffering single mother Aubrey Wray was able to successfully convince her 6-year-old son Michael that last Friday’s flooding was the result of his incessant bedwetting. The boy has since resolved to put an end to his nocturnal enuresis by any means necessary.
“I just said to him, I said, ‘I’ve told you a million times, if you don’t stop wetting the bed there are going to be consequences,’ and here they are,” Wray told Manatee reporters. “And boy, was he ever sorry.”
She explained that she is well aware of the fact that the recent flooding in the city has absolutely nothing to do with her son’s bedwetting, but that she has exhausted every other method that she can think of for dealing with his nighttime incontinence.
“You can call me a bad mother,” said Wray, anxiously lighting up a cigarette. “And I dunno, maybe I am, but I just can’t take it anymore. He’s nearly 7 years old — it has to stop.”
After assuring Michael that the flooding was his doing, Aubrey had him prepare an apology to be broadcast on every major news station in the province. Feeling guilty, the child readily agreed to make a public statement later that night.
The press began to arrive around 6 p.m. and soon filled the Wrays’ front lawn, where the statement was set to be given. It was at 7:30, a scant half-hour before his bedtime, that Michael was seen making his way to the podium.
As tears streamed down his adorable little face, he wiped the snot from under his nose with the back of his hand and said, “I’m weeeeeelly weeeeeely sorry, everybody.”
Several hands shot up in the press gallery, and some of the less tactful journalists began shouting questions and demanding answers, but Micheal made no further comment before his mother led him back into the house for bed — which he then wet.