Fredericton — In July Health Minister Victor Boudreau said that he supports a doctor’s right to refuse treatment to transgender patients if it’s against their personal beliefs. However, it seems that Premier Brian Gallant is waving a different flag.
After marching in Fredericton’s annual Pride Parade — making him the first New Brunswick premier to ever do so — Gallant held a press conference. Wearing a NASCAR-esque jumpsuit covered in local business logos such as: JD Irving, Circle K, Majesta, Kent Building Supplies and Midland Transport, Gallant clarified that he is a 100 percent for transgender equality.
“Canada is a really, really big country,” said Gallant. “As a result, we’ve become very car-dependent, which is why we built the Trans-Canada Highway, so we can get places! No matter your junk, it’s a basic human right to go places. That’s why transgender equality matters!”
The room went rural-New Brunswick, cricket quiet. Gallant had an obnoxious grin smeared across his face. The flash of reporters’ iPhones reflected off of the handsome premier’s pearly whites. No one, however, seemed to have the moxie to ask a followup question, so The Manatee did.
“Um, sir,” asked our reporter. “Are you sure that you understand what ‘transgender’ means?”
“Of course!” answered Gallant. “It refers to female drivers on the Trans-Canada Highway. Women motorists should have the same rights as their men. Here in New Brunswick, we’re all about equal rights, regardless of gender. If ladies can manage city driving, they can handle big-boy roads, er, I mean, highways.”
The term “transgender” actually refers to someone who identifies as a different sex than what was assigned to them at birth.
Gallant went on without prompting. “We want our people driving in the fast lane to success! We want all New Brunswickers — men and women — to be going places, and I don’t mean Alberta, because we want them to be… in this place, amirite?”
“Well, sir,” said our reporter, “what do you think ‘gender-confirming surgery’ means?”
“When women get in car accidents — and they will, when driving at highway speeds — doctors will treat them the same as men, thus, confirming that New Brunswick is all for equality!”
This statement was met with a long, awkward silence. The premier broke the tension by making engine sounds and pantomiming a steering wheel. After a few laps around the podium, he then “drove” off stage.