NB Power to import luxury pole wood from Peru

NB Power to import luxury pole wood from Peru

Fredericton — “It’s worth every penny,” boasted NB Power spokesperson Mike Bourque. Bourque was referring to Tuesday afternoon’s announcement that rather than purchase their wood for power line poles from a Quebec company, NB Power would now pay a premium to order luxury pole wood from Peru.

The announcement came quickly after a CBC New Brunswick story drew the ire of many New Brunswickers upset that a Crown corporation would be spending money outside of the province.

“No one was upset about the money being spent outside of NB,” argued Bourque. “Rather, they were upset that we considered using low-quality wood that looked even uglier than our existing power poles. When you drive through New Brunswick cities, your view is always obstructed by these snot-coloured monstrosities piercing the sky. So today it hit us: why not order the nicest-looking wood to make our line poles really pop?”

The Peruvian wood will be sent intact, using a variety of the exotic local trees such as bamboo, palm trees, and the beautiful ceiba tree. It will be treated with chemicals to last through the harsh Atlantic Canadian winters and deter woodpeckers, insects or other animals from chipping away at the wood.

“Not only will this give us new strong line poles, but we think it will actually boost tourism. Everywhere in New Brunswick will look like a southern resort!” explained Bourque.

The latest announcement has left some New Brunswickers feeling confused, and others feeling even angrier. Not everyone is fully convinced of the benefits.

“Well, I guess it will make the roads look a lot nicer,” mumbled Grace Jenkins, who until the announcement had been protesting outside of the NB Power headquarters. “I still wish the money would be spent with a New Brunswick company, boosting the local economy and creating jobs at home, but… the current poles are really, really, ugly. I think I actually would like to see some exotic trees on my skyline.”

“Are you kidding me? This will cost even more money! Not to mention introducing wood that could be full of foreign invasive species of insects!” exclaimed Perry Foster, a local ecologist.

“Does no one use their brains here? How is this happening? Is New Brunswick even a real place anymore?”

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