NB wins title ‘Birthplace of Confederation,’ Charlottetown named ‘Drunken One-Night Stand of Confederation’

NB wins title ‘Birthplace of Confederation,’ Charlottetown named ‘Drunken One-Night Stand of Confederation’

Ottawa — An official announcement was made from Ottawa today and the issue of the birthplace of Confederation has finally been solved. In the lead-up to the Canada 150 celebrations, the city of Charlottetown and the province of New Brunswick have been locked in a high-stakes battle for the official title of “Birthplace of Confederation.”

In a compromise decision, the federal government in Ottawa has announced that New Brunswick will receive the title of “Birthplace of Confederation,” while Charlottetown has earned the more prestigious title of “Drunken One-Night Stand of Confederation.”

“This is really a win for all Islanders,” said Charlottetown Mayor Clifford J. Lee. “A country can be born anywhere, but conception takes hard work, a little luck and a whole lot of alcohol.”

Lee went on to explain that Canada is like that girl in the bar at 1:45 a.m.

“You’ve had too much to drink, you’ve struck out a few times, but you see that girl alone near closing time and you swagger on over with false confidence and a bad pickup line,” he said.

The issue of the real birthplace of Confederation came to light this past February when New Brunswick Tourism Minister John B. Ames pointed out it was New Brunswick’s idea to have a meeting about a union of colonies.

Ames didn’t mince words when he described Charlottetown’s contribution to Confederation as “trampy” and “undignified.”

“All they did in Charlottetown was get wasted and party. There’s a time and a place for that — the Harvest Jazz and Blues Festival in Fredericton — not discussing Confederation.”

Charlottetown residents seem to be embracing their new title. As a celebration for Canada 150, several bars in Charlottetown are putting on a summer-long promotion of buy one, get one free drinks between 1:45 and 2 a.m. every night.

Baby supply stores in Charlottetown are also projecting record-high sales in the next nine months.

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