Fredericton — The Liberal government is thinking outside the box for ways to unload some of the burden on New Brunswick taxpayers. Their solution? Tapping into the way millions of people get money handed to them for doing nothing: crowdfunding.
“I was just about to set up another GoFundMe account, this one to get people to pay for my trip to Cuba,” said Saint John’s Geoff Huckston, who works full-time as a professional crowdfundee, “and I see an account calling for funding in the amount of $6.7 billion. It was posted as ‘Need $6.7 billion to help pay down half our debt,’ from somebody in Fredericton. Right away, I thought it smelled of Liberal doing, so I figured I should get The Manatee to check it out.”
The Manatee visited GoFundMe.com, and sure enough, found exactly what Huckston described — an account seeking $6.7 billion. The following narrative accompanied the request:
“Hi there! You may not know me, and you may or may not have thrown your support behind me. Either way, I need some help to get my home out of debt… or at the very least, to get the total debt cut in half.
“I kind of don’t know what I’m doing on a daily basis, and I’m getting sick and tired of everybody at home whining all the time just because they ‘have trouble making ends meet’ or because they ‘can’t take another increase’…blah blah blah. So in order to get them to shut up, I’m calling on everybody else to chip in.
“Know that by giving some of your hard-earned money, you’ll be allowing me to have the freedom to keep making the types of decisions that will encourage me to set up another GoFundMe account next year, and the year after that, God willing! With your donation, I’ll also gladly welcome you to come live here so you can give your money first-hand as a resident. Thank you so much, B-to-the-G!”
Our reporter called the premier’s office to inquire about the account. “How did you find out about that?!” demanded the voice on the other end. “Ummm… we know nothing about that, but it sounds like a good cause.”