Fredericton — Premier Gallant is setting sail on a new era for New Brunswick: he’s cutting into the deficit with ambitious plans of reducing salaries for himself and his cabinet, he’s taking no ideas off of the table that may help the struggling province and now he’s even changing the New Brunswick flag.
The ever-charming premier held a press conference outside of his office in Fredericton on Wednesday morning where he announced his plan to the dozens of reporters in attendance, and to the few 30-something men and women who were loitering nearby just trying to get a glimpse of New Brunswick’s handsome leader.
“Thank you all for coming this morning,” he started with a smile shining across his face. “Arrrrrrrrrree you all ready to hear my new announcement?” he asked the confused onlookers. “I watched a wicked-good movie the other day called Pirates of the Caribbean, and it has changed my life. This movie has inspired me to take our beautiful province in a new direction. It’s no coincidence to me that our historic flag depicts a ship, sailing gloriously on the open sea. New Brunswick is a ship, you see, and that means that as leader, I am the captain of this ship, and all of you should consider yourselves my first-mates.”
The premier went on to explain that to symbolize his new direction, he’s unveiling a new flag for New Brunswick, one which better illustrates what the province will be about — pirates. “In the movie, Captain Jack didn’t take anything from anyone and neither will we!” proclaimed Gallant. “We will carve our own path, blaze our own trail and we will start attracting people to our province rather than turning them away.”
The Manatee had a one-on-one chat with the premier after the press conference. “I feel like if we have a cool flag then people will want to live here,” explained the excited Gallant. “I just envision people being like ‘Hey man, let’s go live there because they’re super cool.’”
The Manatee questioned the premier on whether this is a fiscally responsible thing to be doing, and asked where he plans on getting the money required to make such a drastic change. “I’ve already got a plan in place for that actually — I’m implementing a new tax. I’m going to tax each and every resident of this great province. Do you know how much that tax will be?” he asked with a grin, waiting for a response. “A buck an ear! Get it? Buck an ear, buccaneer, like a pirate!”
The new flag will retain most of the features used in the classic version, but the ship will now be a pirate ship, said to symbolize our culture as go-getters. “Ha! You can remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Brian Gallant,” said the premier when The Manatee asked if he had any other plans on retaining our population and job-creation. He was then seen sliding down a nearby bannister before exiting the building.
Public opinion was a mixture of anger and pure confusion from Fredericton residents as they had their first glimpse of the new flag. “I don’t get it,” said Alex Jones. “How has he just seen this movie now? It’s been out for over 10 years.”
“This is a terrible, terrible idea,” expressed Patricia Walton. “What if people think we’re actually pirates here in New Brunswick? What if they attack us thinking that we’re some awful people who may attack them?”
The new flag is currently being mass-produced in China and should replace all of the existing flags within 3 months, according to the premier’s office.
I wish this was actually our flag
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