Proud Boy Terrorists busted with 18th-century cannons

Proud Boy Terrorists busted with 18th-century cannons

Halifax — Halifax Regional Police successfully busted a Proud Boy Terrorist group on Dutch Village Road last week in Fairview, N.S. The police worked on an anonymous tip by a concerned resident who was worried about the house full of what she called “white wieners with scary haircuts.”

On Friday at 3 p.m. Halifax Police raided a hideout only to discover five 22-year-old weirdos in matching shirts loading cannons onto wheelbarrows.

“Where they got those cannons we still don’t know,” a responding officer said. “They won’t say and we haven’t heard anything but I’m guessing we’ll hear of a museum or a provincial park robbery. Those were 18th-century cannons them boys were dealin’ with.”

The young men admitted to a plot of marching cannons to the Edward Cornwallis statue in Halifax for a noon protest on Saturday. There have been plans to remove the controversial statue and the Proud Boys Maritime Chapter aren’t having it.

“They told us they didn’t want anyone to tear down the statue of the founder of their city,” the police chief said. “The cannons were a nice touch, I gotta admit. They thought they could get old school so we gave’m old school — we got them little friggers locked up on McNabs Island for the weekend. Let’m really get that colonial feel.”

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