Fredericton — Opportunities New Brunswick is opening up the vault to give money to any New Brunswick entrepreneur with ideas on ways to capitalize on the recent United States-Mexico trade dispute.
On Monday morning, Premier Brian Gallant held a press conference outside city hall, where a New Brunswick flag with colours changed to match Mexico’s had been raised. Gallant said the program is a direct response to newly elected U.S. President Donald Trump’s proposed 20 percent tariff of Mexican goods. If New Brunswick makes cheap “Mexican” goods, Americans will flock to buy them here, or so the premier’s reasoning goes.
“New Brunswick can’t take a siesta and let these opportunities pass us by,” stated the premier, who was wearing a large sombrero and brightly coloured poncho. “With the low Canadian dollar to boot, we are in a prime position to make mucho dinero. You want to set up a business to sell kits so people can make tequila at home? OLÉ!”
A representative from Opportunities New Brunswick was on hand, and said the sky’s the limit for entrepreneurial ideas from New Brunswickers.
“We had brewers asking for money; now Picaroons plans to create their own line of Mexican-style cervezas!” boasted Bernard Hutchins of ONB. “Any taco companies want a million bucks to convert your pita-making operation to tortillas and taco shells? Buenos!”
Hutchins said New Brunswick could rejuvenate old ideas, as well. “The U.S. buys a ton of vehicles from Mexico, so this could be a great opportunity for someone to revive the Bricklin. Americans love Back to the Future!”
Gallant interrupted to add that the booming marijuana industry will factor into the equation as well.
“We already have mucho Mary Jane growing in the province, and I have no idea if cocaine can be made here, but the we’ll never know until we give it a go!”
The premier ended the news conference by saying: “I encourage all New Brunswick señors, señoritas, and hombres to vamanos and get their ideas to us por favor. Buenas noches amigos!”
Gallant then jumped onto a donkey and slowly trotted down Queen Street.
Yes, bring back the Bricklin!