Fredericton — All government offices in New Brunswick will be closed on Mondays until the current season of Game of Thrones ends, Premier Brian Gallant hastily announced this afternoon as he was about to head home.
“As everyone knows, the show airs Sunday nights, and we want to avoid spoiler situations,” said Gallant. “For those of us who don’t pay for HBO and have to stream the show after work on Monday evening, well for us, waiting is practically torture. Believe me, I’ve tried and all the good torrent sites are blocked on government computers.”
Our reporter inquired as to why the decision to close on Mondays didn’t come a week ago, in time for the season 6 premiere.
“I guess our expectations were unreasonably high at first,” said the premier, anxiously checking his watch and glancing longingly toward his car, which he had already started and which was sporting a bumper sticker with the words “Valar Morghulis.”
“A lot of people came in last Monday an hour late because they watched it first thing in the morning, and then everyone else complained that those people spoiled the whole thing during water-cooler chitchat. Anyone who hadn’t seen it spent the entire day avoiding co-workers who could ruin the surprise. It was a wasted day.
“Who are we kidding — productivity for employees of the civil service is already a joke,” he added. “On an average Monday no one starts going through their emails until 11 a.m., and then they take an early lunch and come back at 1:30 or 2. And the day ends at like, 4 or 4:30 or somewhere around then — there’s just no point in acting like anything’s going to get done on a Monday after a new Game of Thrones episode.”
Gallant stipulated that he does expect Government of New Brunswick employees to work extra hard on Tuesdays for the next few weeks to make up for the long weekend he’s so graciously granted.
“And try to keep it on the down-low too, if possible. Service industry workers will be pissed when they find out they don’t get the day off, and I don’t have time to deal with that right now. I’m not even caught up on Season 5!”