Fredericton — Stable hand Cliff Ryerson struggled this morning to get one of many kicking and bucking racing horses on a transportation trailer. “Yeah, he don’t wanna go,” said Ryerson.
Yesterday, Horse Racing New Brunswick announced they were moving operations from Fredericton to Saint John. Apparently, no one asked the horses.
“I’ve worked with horses all my life. I can tell, they just don’t like Saint John. Too dirty,” Ryerson said about the animals that shit 5 feet from where they eat.
“Is it the smell?” Saint John Mayor Don Darling asked at a press conference. “Because we fixed that. Most of it, at least.
“I promise, you’re going to like living here,” the mayor pleaded. “Saint John has changed. We’re like that documentary, Portlandia. We have a barcade now and a place to get brunch. It’s like breakfast, but more expensive. You’ll love it!”
“The smell is only part of it,” explained Ryerson. “The people are just different, and the horses pick up on that.”
Ryerson insists he speaks for the horses, not his own feelings.
Asked when he expects the move to be complete, Ryerson described different plans. “Once loaded up, we’re off to the glue factory. It’s what the horses want.” Ryerson claims the horses have asked for medically assisted death. “The law is the law, now. I have to respect that.”