Fredericton — A new report has surfaced suggesting that Premier Brian Gallant was confident that this would finally be his year to garner international fame due to his “ridiculous good looks.” An informer from inside Gallant’s cabinet has leaked an audio recording of the premier from Nov. 17, when news broke that David Beckham was named People Magazine‘s “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2015.
The cabinet minister, speaking on the condition of anonymity, allowed The Manatee to listen to the recording of the alleged tirade where a person, said to be Gallant, can be heard smashing objects around a room while screaming at his cohorts asking, “How could you let this happen!?”
“We were in the middle of a meeting discussing how we were going to make homeless people look more appealing,” the minister told our reporter. “All of a sudden, Brian looks at his phone and the mood completely changed. He flipped our drink table and starting saying things like, ‘I’m so pissed off! This is NOT my fault’ and so on.
“He finally settled down a little and starting crying — like really sobbing,” the minister continued, “suggesting that it was because he was in New Brunswick that his beauty isn’t being noticed like it should be. He said if he was the premier of Ontario or Alberta, or even mayor of Toronto he might actually get some attention.”
In the recording, sounds of crying and nose-blowing can be heard, along with the sounds of someone consoling the man said to be Gallant by patting on the back and saying, “There, there Bri, I know how sexy you are.”
“That was Horsman,” said the annoyed minister. “He’s got his head so far up Brian’s butt that the premier will never need a colonoscopy.”
Gallant wouldn’t respond to allegations of the blow-up and suggested that Beckham was a “safe choice for People Magazine — they’re not much of risk-takers over there.”
“Look,” explained Gallant. “At the end of the day, I know I’m sexy. My cabinet knows I’m sexy. And most importantly, the great people of New Brunswick know I’m sexy — otherwise they would have never elected me.”