Sad 42-year-old still trying to be cute

Sad 42-year-old still trying to be cute

Truro — Local woman Brenda Drisdelle, at 42, is reportedly still trying to give the impression of being cute, quirky and spontaneous, an act a woman half her age probably couldn’t even pull off.

Drisdelle, who’s employed at a marketing company in Truro, said she just wants to stay “young at heart,” which according to co-workers means wearing pigtails or braids, watching Disney movies in her spare time, and gasping “O-M-G!” at the slightest provocation.

“She came into the office the other day in an oversized Winnie the Pooh hoodie,” said an anonymous co-worker. “She was also wearing leopard-print leggings and Uggs. Soo professional.”

The same co-worker recalled the last office party, which began with dinner at Montana’s.

“We were all going to share a bucket of beers, and she raised her hand and said, ‘I don’t drink beer — it’s icky,'” so we let her order some fruity cocktail that cost 9 bucks a pop, and she got 3 of them, and then wanted to split the bill evenly. Fine, whatever, but then she ordered a sandwich and asked the waitress to make sure there was no crust on it. She got a side of ribs and wanted me to cut the meat off the bones for her. For god’s sake, how old is she?? She has the palate of a 6-year-old.”

Another co-worker said Drisdelle keeps the entire library of Harry Potter books stacked on her desk. “Ugh, she’s always asking me if I want to borrow them, and I’m like ‘No because I’m an adult and I don’t enjoy children’s literature.’ Then she says I’m an old stick-in-the-mud, and I’m like, ‘Bitch, I’m 10 years younger than you are.’ She thinks she’s so interesting and youthful because she can talk at length about the wizards or gremlins or whatever those books are about. The woman looks 50 and acts 15… it’s not charming anymore.”

Drisdelle’s attempts to be cute extend even to her transportation; her 2001 Pontiac Aztek is covered in Tweety Bird accessories, from the seat-covers to the floor mats. “People are always honking at me when they see how cute my car is,” she said. “Tweety Bird can make anyone smile.”

The 42-year-old hasn’t been in a relationship since high school, and claims she is waiting for her “prince charming” to come and sweep her off her feet.

“The ideal man for her does not exist,” said another co-worker. “She watches Bridget Jones so often she’s legitimately convinced herself that some hot, rich, intelligent, cultured guy like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth is going to see her for who she really is underneath her awkward frumpiness. I’ve set her up on dates but she inevitably ends up reducing the real-life man to a 2-dimensional romantic-comedy stereotype and finds him lacking. I think she needs to settle at this point.”

Drisdelle said she has brought a couple of these suitors to her apartment to watch a movie, but none of her 4 cats approved of the men, so she asked them to leave.

“Oh god, she said that?” asked a co-worker in dismay. “The guy I set her up with said her place is littered with old issues of Cosmopolitan, reeks of kitty litter, and she has about 1,000 romantic comedies on VHS. He also said she offered him a juicebox when he asked if she had anything to drink. I cringed so hard just imagining it.”

At press time, Drisdelle was humming a Taylor Swift song, and diligently cutting out a picture of a cute boy from Seventeen magazine and taping it up next to her computer monitor.

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