Saint John man moving to Syria in hopes of becoming a refugee

Saint John — Last year when Justin Trudeau was elected as Canada’s prime minister, he vowed to help resettle 10,000 refugees from war-torn Syria and bring them into a life of luxury here in Canada — all at the expense of hardworking taxpayers.

One Saint John man has had enough of this injustice and is planning a move to Syria in hopes of becoming a refugee and being adopted by the Canadian government so he can “make a decent living for once.”

Danny Huckleberry is an out-of-work truck driver who is sure that refugees who’ve made their way to New Brunswick are getting better treatment and more money from the government than he is.

“I seen them just the other day eating at Dairy Queen,” he told The Manatee. “I can’t afford to eat at Dairy Queen. Who’s got 2 thumbs and can only afford to eat at McDonald’s? This guy,” he said while pointing his thumbs toward himself.

Huckleberry told our reporter that he has proof to solidify his claims of inferior treatment.

“I saw on Facebook that it’s true,” he said proudly, failing to elaborate with any actual figures. “One of my friends in B.C. shared this post that said the Syrians are getting a crap-load of money from taxpayers like me, while people collecting welfare, like me, are barely getting anything at all.”

The 38-year-old single man explained his plan to “move to Syria, have a little vacation, get a little sun, become a refugee, move back to Canada, get planted in Vancouver and start getting paid like a baller.”

The Manatee’s special investigator looked into these seemingly solid claims that Huckleberry shared with our reporter that the refugees were getting more social assistance than those collecting welfare in British Columbia and, surprisingly, found that Huckleberry’s anonymous Facebook source wasn’t accurate.

“I was actually pretty shocked to the see the numbers,” explained Manatee reporter Paul Lewis. “I thought to myself that if this guy saw it on Facebook, it’s gotta be true. I mean, it came up on his news feed — there’s a reason it’s called a news feed and not a rumour feed.”

A Janurary Huffington Post article showed the amounts of money refugees are being allotted compared to those collecting social assistance.

“You’re going to trust that over Facebook?” asked a confused Huckleberry. “What I showed you was pure, unadulterated feelings from a guy that my friend knows. All you’re showing me are facts and numbers — get your head on straight.”

Huckleberry hasn’t yet figured out how he’s going to get to Syria but isn’t giving up on his goal, and has said that he plans to continue to work hard so he doesn’t have to work at all.

“I went on Tripadvisor, but there weren’t any flights listed from New Brunswick due to security threats,” he confirmed. “What these people don’t understand is that I’m born and bred in Saint John — I can handle myself.”