Selena Gomez pushes NB economy into recession

Selena Gomez pushes NB economy into recession

Moncton — Last week’s cancellation of the Selena Gomez concert shows that even though every beautiful thought’s been already sung, the heart wants what it wants.

With New Brunswick’s economy precariously floundering over the last several quarters, the cancellation of Gomez’s Sept. 4 appearance at Atlantic Fest 2016 has hit the tourism industry hard. While the losses are still being tallied, Finance Minister Cathy Rogers is already predicting that the loss of revenue from the event is enough to push the province into recession.

Naturally, Premier Gallant is a huge fan of Selena,” confided Rogers. “So when he heard that she was touring, he made sure she was coming to Moncton. The province heavily financed the show — kind of like David Alward and U2. Unfortunately, we are going to lose millions.”

Premier Gallant reportedly was crushed by the cancellation, and he appeared visibly shaken while making some brief remarks. “Selena, we all want you to get well soon,” he said with a wavering voice. “And on a personal note, I want to take this opportunity to say I… I love you like a love song baby, and I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat.”

Opposition leader Bruce Fitch was similarly disappointed. “I’ve found Selena to be an inspirational figure in my life. Every time I feel inadequate next to Premier Gallant, I bgsupermanthink to myself, ‘Hey maybe I’m no beauty queen, but I’m beautiful me. I’ve got every right to a beautiful life. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na.'”

Other celebrities who were part of the show have also cancelled their appearances. Moncton Mayor Dawn Arnold is upset to miss meeting her musician crush, Joe Jonas, lead singer for opening act DNCE. “I have this secret daydream. Let’s just say that he’d be Diddy and I’d be Naomi — whoa-oh!”

Despite the cancellation due to health concerns, Gallant says that he hopes to attract Gomez back to New Brunswick in the future, and he intends to get personally involved.

“I’m gonna wear a suit she’ll like — skin-tight — and do my hair up real nice. And syncopate my chin to her heart beating. ‘Cause we just wanna look good for her… good for her.

Uh-huh.

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