Atlantic Canada — Meteorologists are advising Atlantic Canadians to brace themselves for yet another winter storm, which they’re saying will be “fast but miserable,” much like driving through the Picture Province to get to Quebec.
“This storm will hit hard but be short-lived,” said Prince Edward Island meteorologist Steve McKay. “It’ll be quick but wretched — much like, say, driving on the highway from Fredericton to Moncton, or losing your virginity, or having lunch at McDonald’s. It’ll be over before you know it, but it will really, really suck as it’s happening.”
The storm, a disgusting mixture of ice, sleet, snow, wind and rain, will sweep across the Maritimes beginning at about 7 p.m., but it will taper off to nearly nothing by morning.
“There will be enough snow to cause power outages, and in some instances road and school closures,” McKay said. “It’s going to be dreary, folks, but by this time tomorrow it’ll be forgotten — you know, like spending Christmas with your inlaws, or watching any of The Fast and the Furious movies. At the time you’ll pray for death, but when it’s over you’ll be thinking, ‘I guess that wasn’t so bad.'”
Newfoundland meteorologist Bertha Guinness agreed with McKay’s prediction, but offered her own, “more apt” comparisons.
“I think it’ll be more like the moment you glimpse yourself naked in the mirror when you get out of the shower and wince, but you forget how out-of-shape you are minutes later,” she said. “Or perhaps it’s best compared to when you eat Mexican food and you have to wait for it to pass through your digestive system.”
A New Brunswick meteorologist threw his own storm metaphors into the mix.
“This blizzard’s going to be like that split second when Nickelback comes on the radio before you can switch the station,” said Kieran Matheson. “Or the gym in January when all those New Year’s resolutioners are hogging all the equipment. Fast, but so very miserable. Just like this storm.”