Sussex man ‘still gets a kick out of the Minions’

Sussex man ‘still gets a kick out of the Minions’

Sussex — Russell Campbell is a 44-year-old father of three. He spends most of his day tending to his two-year-old daughter Jackie. He relishes the moment the rest of the family departs for the day, “because that’s when the Minion party begins!”

After saying this, Campbell looked to Jackie with wide-eyed enthusiasm. Jackie smiled politely, looking downward.

“I don’t know what to tell you. They just get me,” Campbell added.

Campbell’s psychiatrist, Dr. Mildred Schwartz, offered an explanation for not just Campbell’s obsession, but for the still lingering Minion craze in general. “Russell’s attraction to the Minions stems mostly from their high-pitched gibberish… their sounds hearken back to an era when his children were all pre-verbal; a simpler time.”

Campbell worked for several years with PotashCorp for their Picadilly mine operation until its sudden closure in early 2016. Finding employment has continued to be a struggle since then. “Losing his job was a tough blow for Russell, and it continues to be very tough on Jackie,” said Dr. Schwartz.

Despite her limited vocabulary, Jackie has made several requests to attend daycare. Campbell insists his taking care of her is an important cost-saving measure.

“Bullshit,” the child stated.

Cynthia Holleran, Campbell’s spouse, cited statements from their joint bank account, showing lavish expenses attributed to his Minion parties. “…February 20th… $244 spent online for a Minions beer fridge. I can tell you for sure that Jackie isn’t using that.”

Campbell himself doesn’t feel as though there is anything to apologize for. He believes Minion characters “still” have much to teach society. “Some of my friends and family started moving on to sharing other types of memes on Facebook,” he explained. “I said, ‘Well just hold on here a second.'”

According to Campbell, the icon of the Minion ought to be one of commitment, giving that their spin-off film was released two years ago.

“And commitment is just what we need. We need assurance that when times are dark, we will not be abandoned; that we, in turn, will not jump ship. I vow to go down with the Minions ship.”

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