New Brunswick — We’re weeks away from the federal election where Canadians will decide to elect a new prime minister or keep the Stephen Harper-led Conservatives in power. New Brunswickers are especially passionate about the parties they support and will fight tooth and nail against anyone who opposes their views — and this could spell disaster for families’ Thanksgiving dinners this weekend.
“My sister-in-law is probably voting NDP,” said a dismayed Jason Brown of Sussex. “It’s like she doesn’t even care about our environment. What if I want to have kids someday? They’re supposed to breathe in the poisoned air caused by Mulcair? She’s going to hear about this over dinner.”
Thanksgiving is normally a day for Canadians to gather with their families, eat turkey, give thanks for what they have and turn on a CFL game for the first time since the previous Thanksgiving. A debate topic of this election’s magnitude rarely coincides with such an important family holiday, though; as sure as mom will have all the ingredients for a festive meal, the holiday colliding with a federal election has all the ingredients of a family feud.
“If I was going to vote, which I’m not, I’d probably vote for whoever is going to piss my brother off the most,” admitted Jennifer Keith while on her way from Moncton to Edmundston to have dinner with her family. “He’s pretty into the whole political thing and it annoys the hell out of me — so I just like to stir the pot and get him and Dad arguing about drug regulation or greenhouse emissions or something stupid.”
The Manatee inquired as to why Keith has no plans to vote. “I’m a 27-year-old, middle-class mother of two — no one cares about my opinion,” she told our reporter.
Some parents across the country are concerned about the possibility of their family get-together being tarnished by political rhetoric and fighting. “I just want my babies to get along!” cried a concerned Becky Hampton of Fredericton. “We only get together about 30 times a year as a family, and I want it to be special.”
Other mothers are excited about the prospect of their children actually speaking to one another for a change. “My Bobby and Johnny have barely spoken since last year’s NHL playoffs; this will hopefully be a fresh start for the two of them,” expressed Darlene Timmons with hope gleaming in her eyes. “Bobby is a big Harper fan and Johnny likes his pot, so I think he’s voting for that cute little Trudeau.”
In Canada’s Picture Province, firework displays are normally reserved for the New Brunswick Day and Canada Day holidays. This year, however, there may very well be some fireworks during turkey dinners as well.