Miramichi — A resident of Miramichi West (formally Newcastle) says she recently spotted a bird bearing a striking resemblance to Lord Beaverbrook, one of New Brunswick’s best known sons who was not born in New Brunswick.
Sherry Matchett-Bjurstrom says she was first horrified then mirthful then horrified again when the normally loathed fowl rested at her home on Robertson Street.
“It landed right next to the barn star we have on the house. I hate the bastards and usually reach for the old hockey stick or anything I can get my hands on to get rid of them but when I took a second look, I almost fell out of my Canada flag-covered chaise lounge,” remarked Matchett-Bjurstrom. “The sameness was crazy! It was just like looking into one of the 10,000 busts we have of Lord Beaverbrook in Miramichi. Crazy!”
When asked if she had taken a photo of the avian doppelgänger, Matchett-Bjurstrom said no, she had quickly thereafter murdered the bird with a square-mouthed shovel and threw it in the garbage.
“I don’t care if it looked like Brian Gallant or Roch Voisine, you can’t have them shithawks around,” asserted Matchett-Bjurstrom.
Her daughter and neighbour, Daniella Matchett-Bjurstrom-Matchett, also claims to have seen the feathered creature. “I was eating lunch when I seen it in the dooryard and thought ‘Jesus! That looks like the lad in the town square!’ Then I picked up the .410 by the screen door and was about to shoot at it until it took off over to Mum’s,” she recalled.
“I texted Mum to tell her but she had her phone turned down and the funeral announcements on the radio turned way up. No need trying to get ahold of her between 12:10 and 12:15. May-zell [“may as well” – Ed.] try to get Trudeau on the phone during a Vogue photo shoot as Mum during the funeral announcements.”
The Manatee asked why Ms. Matchett-Bjurstrom-Matchett would want to kill a bird resembling Max Aitken. She responded with “Who’s Max Aitken? I told ya I saw a bird that looked like Lord Beaverbrook.”
An attempt to reclaim the carcass of the pigeon to verify the likeness was made. However, Matchett-Bjurstrom had already burned her trash in the fire pit because, as she stated, “That’s what I do every Friday evening.”