’90s French teachers confirm that Dimoitou has died

Atlantic Canada — It is with heavy hearts that all 1990s elementary school French teachers in the Maritimes report that Dimoitou, the gangly green puppet used to teach children basic vocabulary, has died.

“Pauvre Dimoitou!!!” exclaimed teacher Giselle LeBlanc of Marysville, N.B. “He was hit in the head one too many times, it seems. This time, no bandage wrapped around his furry green noggin could save him. He had a good life, though. He will surely be missed.”

LeBlanc’s old students, who are now adults, recall that Dimoitou was for some reason used mainly to teach sickness-related words and phrases.

“He was always ‘mal à la tête’ this, ‘mal aux bras’ that,” said Tim Peters, 32, who grew up with the puppet in French classes. “Sometimes our more industrious teachers would fashion him a tiny crutch that he was supposed to be using until his leg got better. We were taught to pity Dimoitou.

“He was a sickly little bugger, but I loved him,” added Peters, wiping away a tear.

French teacher Mark Everett said he typically stored Dimoitou in a shoebox that he would haul out if the class was getting out of hand.

“It’s strange that the kids loved him so much. Of course I loved him, because if I was hungover or just not feeling it that day, I could get Dimoitou out and make him say some stuff about the weather or food or whatever, and the children would be starstruck.

“I would often send him home for the weekend with whichever kid won the ‘who can be the most quiet’ contest. He’d be returned on Monday with a few extra stains and rips, but that just added to the whole pathos surrounding the legend that was Dimoitou.”

The official cause of death is stated as follows:

-mal à la tête

-mal aux jambes

-mal aux pieds

-mal aux bras

-mal au coeur

-mal aux pretty much everything else

-chronic depression

Dimoitou is survived by Mademoiselle Rousseau of Grade 2 at New Maryland Elementary School, Monsieur Pelletier of Grade 1 at Garden Creek School, Madame Cormier of Grade 3 at Liverpool Street Elementary school…and a bunch of others.

A visitation is set for Wednesday from 2-4 p.m. at Gibson-Neill Elementary School in Fredericton. Dimoitou’s last will and testament indicates that he wishes to be cremated, then have his ashes sprinkled over every nice kid who ever felt sorry for him in French class.