After complaints, all Air Canada passengers must now be bilingual

After complaints, all Air Canada passengers must now be bilingual

Fredericton — Days after Air Canada was ordered to shell out $21K to two francophone customers who complained that their language rights were violated while flying, the airline has decided that now, all passengers need to speak fluent English and French before they can board.

“It’s only for domestic flights — we’re not being unreasonable here,” said Air Canada’s head of communications Allison Berkshire. “This is just to cover our ass in case some more crazy people come after us for being inconvenienced in their imaginations.”

The passengers — who had complained before about language issues on their flights — this time won their battle, saying that the English words were larger than the French ones on emergency exit doors; that the seatbelts were engraved with the word “lift” but not the French equivalent; and that the French boarding announcement was not as detailed as the English one.

“Obviously these are ‘totally legitimate issues,’ and we promise that we’ve already addressed them,” said Berkshire, using exaggerated air quotes and rolling her eyes dramatically. “But we realize that we’re not safe from whiners like this who will find any damned problem and try to squeeze money out of it. So if you’re not fluent, just book with another airline. Please.”

We asked why the rule about bilingual passengers specifically.

“Well what if some English-only speaker were seated next to a francophone, who tried to strike up a conversation? The misunderstandings that would ensue — even if one person were just asking about their seat-mate’s holiday plans or where they work — could easily lead to a lawsuit,” continued Berkshire. “It wouldn’t be as tragic as…like…the peanuts package not saying the word ‘arachides’ in as nice a font, but you know.”

When Canadians want to book domestic flights with Air Canada, they will now have to translate a five-page document from one language to another on the website, wait for a certified bilingual employee to verify that it’s accurate, then book the flight.

“Holy, this is gonna be inconvenient as all get out!” cried anglophone Neil Peters. “I might as well just go back to high school for all the trouble this’ll be…maybe I can pay some student to translate it for me? I’m kinda rusty in French these days. All I remember is how to ask to go to the toilet. Is that what the document is about?”

Berkshire reassured customers by saying that, in all they do, “Air Canada is just trying to make sure everyone is treated fairly — well, everyone who complains, at least.”

  1. That’s just crazy Ana air Canada will lose alot of customers come on people why don’tdon’t you. Learn english if we have to learn French this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard why don’t they fly with someone else

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    • Sorry for the spelling mistakes but this got me pissed

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      • I always fly Air Canada when I do fly but, will not go back to school to learn more French. The rule for people to know French instead of them learning more Englisg is not right. The future will show the loss of customers due to their new rule. Bye Air Canada.

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    • It’s a joke!!!! How would french passengers ever understand how to open and close their seatbelt if the word ‘lift,’ was only written in english? The joke is that they actually won in court and were paid big money in compensation. They are probably still laughing.

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  2. It’s too bad that we have people like this everywhere in the world. My mother used to tell me life is like a roulette wheel sooner or later these people will get theirs.

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  3. Actually, there are more Italian Canadians than Francophones in Canada. What about their rights?? And the 200 or so Aboriginal tribes – what about their rights too???

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  4. If someone complaining that there is no Arabic would you make the same changes? English is this country’s first language. This couple was just trying to get money out of you and now you have inconvenienced the rest of the country. I hope this affects your sales tremendously.

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    • This is fake. No rep would ever say ” cover our ass” in a statement. This is a sad attempt to write an article like how ” The Onion” would do it

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  5. As a former civil servant, I was required to use Air Canada when and wherever possible. But due to the often sullen ad surly attendants/stewardi, I avoided the airline where possible. Nor was I entitled to collect air mile points, even though I often had to fly on my own time in oder to meet deadlines. But I did on other airlines, where attendants were friendly and had a sense of humour, and were much more attractive. I loved Eastern Airlines, RIP!

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  6. Just another ridiculous note about Air Canada: I was flying from Ottawa to Calgary or Vancouver on the very comfortable L 1011. I decided to use a washroom in the centre of the plane. While sitting on the throne a beeping noise started. I didn’t know what it was. Then suddenly a flight attendant ripped open the folding door yelling very loudly “You have been smoking, haven’t you!!!” Then, observing me sitting there stunned, she said: “No, you haven’t, have you?” Meanwhile, other passengers are watching and listening. She realized that the batteries in the smoke alarm had died. She did not apologize, and I had to endure the “walk of shame back to my seat. Had I been smoking, I would have been forced to leave the plane at the next stop.

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    • The last Trudeau gave us bilingualism and the charter of rights and irresponsibility. What’s this Trudeau going to leave us with?

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      • Hopefully something else really cool like a way to stop hateful people from yelling on the internet. The Charter of Rights, freedoms, and getting that dumbass to stop yelling. I can’t wait!

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  7. Well I guess I won’t be flying my favorite airline anymore, seeing as how I am unilingually English. I never could learn any other language despite living in Montreal, Queerbec for 7 years.
    I believe this is a bad move on the part of Air Canada and the Justice system to not acknowledge the possibility of other people who have been unable to learn another language.

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  8. So then, if Air Canada do this then all Quebec must translate in English all signs, shops and advertising, the metro, train avd buses, the metro in Montreal who have tourists coming must also be spoken in English so they can understand what the lady says on the speakers. This is ridiculous..

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  9. That is absurd I will never fly with Air Canada again. Why would anyone actually entertain this garbage? It’s ridiculous. Learn English, the pronunciation of all adjectives, verbs, and.nouns since you’ve decided to ruin the rest of our experiences with this company. Oh and also to the judge who decided to actually ruled in their favour, Thank you for wasting tax payers money should have told those people to get a hobby if you ask me

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  10. Brilliant satire! I was about to comment and read the disclaimer. Hilarious! Je ne parle pas!

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