New Brunswick — With another winter storm walloping the province today, school is again cancelled, and that means that someone is to blame for inconveniencing you.
We don’t really care who makes the decision on whether to cancel school, we just know that, when it comes down to it, they could have done a better job and taken your very important needs into consideration.
That’s why we at The Manatee have made a handy list of ways to make this latest cancellation all about you.
- Complain to your friends who have school-aged children about how this inconveniences you personally, even though you don’t have kids so it obviously doesn’t: Tell them that, back in your day, it took a lot more than a few flurries for school to be cancelled.
- Blame the CBC: They’re always reporting on snow days — maybe they’re secretly calling the shots? I mean, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to put two and two together here.
- Come up with a simplistic plan for how to reduce the number of snow days, and act like you’re the first person to think of it: Tell everyone that, if you were in charge, things would be a lot less disorganized.
- Rant on social media about how lazy and entitled teachers are: They get two months of paid vacation every summer! Spend your whole day arguing with everyone who comments telling you that you’re an idiot. No, THEY’RE wrong!
- Count the number of snow days so far this year, and then joke to your co-workers about how nice it’d be if you got to stay home every time school’s cancelled: These people hate you, but they’re at work so they have to be nice and laugh politely.
- Make the astute observation that, “It seems like when the weather’s fine they cancel school, and when there’s a blizzard they don’t!”: Or some variation of that. It seriously never gets old. And if you know a meteorologist, make their day by letting them in on your little reflection.
- Play the white knight: Post a lengthy status online saying that it’s never an easy decision on whether to cancel school, and that we’d all be wise to take it with a grain of salt and easing up on the education minister, the district superintendent, schools and teachers. Complain about how much other people complain about snow days, and be as sanctimonious as possible. This is a great way to turn the attention of a common weather event back to you.
- When in doubt, make it about bilingualism: You’re in New Brunswick, after all. Probably safe to blame duality if your teens are stuck at home playing Fortnite all day.
How’s ’bout the holes in the (local sports team)?