Quispamsis — There’s an old English proverb that says, “A man without a moustache is like a cup of tea without sugar.” And after last Saturday’s Progressive Conservative convention in Fredericton, there is plenty of evidence that the provincial party members are sweet on their new leader, Blaine Higgs.
Now, in his first major announcement as party chief, Higgs has named his trademark moustache as the party’s new deputy leader.
“I didn’t win the leadership alone,” said Higgs. “‘Little Blaine’ — that’s what I call him — Little Blaine was with me every step of the way. We’d often stay up late in my study debating strategy and fiscal reforms. Or, sometimes we’d just hang out blowing off steam by having a couple of beers. There is no one I trust more than Little Blaine to help carry this party forward.”
Higgs has already delegated several leadership duties to his moustache. Outgoing leader Bruce Fitch confided, “I went to see him to discuss the transition, and before I got 3 words out of my mouth, he said ‘Shhh! Talk to Little Blaine about this,’ and he went back to his spreadsheets.
“I stood there for about 30 minutes talking to his moustache, but there’s no real evidence it was listening. Blaine just sat there ignoring me, humming the theme song from Magnum P.I. to himself. Then, he abruptly stood up and said, ‘We’ve got a meeting,’ and left.”
“Honestly, it’s hard to get 5 minutes alone with the leader without Little Blaine present,” complained former rival Mike Allen. “It’s like those two are literally inseparable!”
When The Manatee contacted Higgs for comment, the leader confirmed the rumours. “Little Blaine and I do everything together,” he winked, and walked away.