Fredericton — My dearest Brian,
I hope you’re doing OK. I know you’ve probably been through a lot lately and I know the timing of this is going to seem really bad. But, I just don’t know how we can stay together any longer — you’ve changed so much. I want to be direct and get right to the point — something you never did as premier. I’m breaking up with you. We’re over.
When we met four years ago, you were so full of life, so full of hope. And you filled me with that same life, that same hope. You brought me love where I thought love couldn’t exist in New Brunswick politics. When we met, I saw a shine in your eyes that mirrored the shine of the distant sun as it set over the Bay of Fundy. But now, that shine has turned to darkness as it seems that the sun has finally set. I once felt as though I was basking in nothing but sunshine in the beautiful city of Fredericton. And now Bri, I feel like I’m left alone in a darkness, wandering the desperate streets of grungy Saint John.
Brian, I’m not going to insult you by giving you clichés about why we’re breaking up. I won’t say that we can still be friends or that it’s because of me, not you. The truth is that we can’t be friends, and it’s your fault, not mine. If you would’ve stayed premier then none of this would be happening right now. Damn you, Brian! You did this to yourself. You did this to both of us. Actually, you did this to everyone in the province.
I’m moving on with somebody older, more sophisticated. Sure, he’s not as good looking or as charismatic. And sure, he might cut all the public funding for all the fun stuff that you supported. But maybe, just maybe he won’t break my heart like you did. Maybe he’ll be different?
Remember when we hung out that time and you let me feel your muscle? Easily one of the best days of my life. I’m going to miss you, Brian. I won’t ever forget you, though. I won’t forget all of the great things you did for the province — that might be because there weren’t any, but still.
I still love you, Bri. I probably always will. I wish nothing but happiness for you, Karine and Blaze. Maybe one day, if you’re premier again, we can reconnect and try again. For now though, this is the end. Please remember this one thing: Higgs might take your premiership from you, but at least you don’t look old and gross.
Goodbye Brian, I’m going to leave now and listen to Sarah McLachlan songs.
Always love,
Paul & The Manatee
I won’t forget all of the great things you did for the province — that might be because there weren’t any, but still.
Nailed it!!
Damn you are funny….I could listen ( read) you all day …Well done..