Saint John — As Saint John’s “Buskers on the Bay” festival kicked off Wednesday, performers had what they assumed to be an unprecedented meeting with one another. Afterwards it was announced that 95 percent of them had agreed to generously donate any profits they earn this week back to the City of Saint John.
Andrew Sandgold, an Australian man with no fixed address, was brought nearly to tears by the plight of Saint Johners. “Everyone just looked so sad…at one point I was taking a selfie with the old man statues outside Market Square…I see one of ‘em moving on the screen — those guys aren’t statues.”
The announcement meant yet another victory for former mayor Mel Norton, who is credited with the buskers scheme. “The trick is to make sure you invite different buskers every year. When we said that festivals like Buskers on the Bay were crucial to the local economy, we weren’t kidding.”
This year, efforts are already being ramped up amid fears that some of the previous years’ buskers had spoken to other performers about Saint John. Mayor Don Darling, under considerable pressure to show growth in festival profits this term, is bringing forth bold new strategies.
“This morning we took each of them on a tour of the city’s potholes and showed them the guy on Rothesay Avenue who dresses up as either a clown or a penguin and hands out coupons for wiper blades.”
Darling was flanked by half of the city council, who were visibly impressed. “We told them this is what we normally consider to be a ‘busker.’”