Atlantic Canada — After officially gaining the title of world’s longest-serving weatherman, meteorologist Peter Coade has reportedly been spotted at various locations around the Maritimes drinking heavily, and according to many, “behaving like a wild man a third of his age.”
Sources say the veteran weatherman — basking in the glow of his newly anointed title — has been seen partying with reckless abandon for weeks on end, often hollering — between numerous shots of hard liquor — his grievances with former co-workers and stating triumphantly, “Look who’s on top now, motherfuckers!!!”
“I saw him last week,” said Halifax man Josh Milton. “He showed up at the Split Crow absolutely wasted and started talking to Bruce Frisco from CTV news. It looked like he was trying to get him to do a shot and when he refused, Coade punched him square in the face. He said, ‘Seventeen years I’ve been waiting to knock the shit-eating grin off that smarmy that son-of-a-bitch!'”
According to several eyewitnesses, Coade was seen shirtless and clearly intoxicated outside the home of CTV weatherwoman Cindy Day. He appeared to be urinating on a garden gnome displayed on her front lawn and yelling, “Whose day is it now, bitch?!?”
“I think it’s totally fine,” said Moncton local Karen Pine in reaction to Coade’s erratic behaviour. “He’s worked very hard all his life and is finally being rewarded for it. If he wants to get completely hammered and tout his achievements while shooting off roman candles at unsuspecting pedestrians out the side of a limo, let him. He’s not getting any younger.”
As of press time, Coade was last spotted downing a 40 of Jack Daniel’s on the bow of a yacht sailing along the Halifax harbour, hollering: “You want my 7-day forecast!? One hundred percent chance of Coade gettin’ loaded with a 90 percent chance of scoring some sweet, sweet Colombian sugar if any of you ladies want in!!”