Halifax — Police were called this weekend to a particularly debauchery-filled homecoming party held by hundreds of returning Dalhousie University students.
The cops say that they were just happy to be invited.
“I was never invited to any of the good parties even in high school,” said Const. Fred Normandy of the Halifax force. “So it was quite an honour to be considered cool enough to come to this awesome rager.”
The over-the-top event included excessive drinking, loud music blaring into the wee hours of the morning, destruction of property, complaints from neighbours — all the hallmarks of a truly friggin’ wicked rave.
After they got over their hangover, a group of students got to thinking.
“We have this entrepreneurship class where the final project is to start our own business,” said Brett Richardson, who just days ago was seen outside his apartment taking a rip from a huge skull-shaped bong and exhaling it into the faces of passersby. “So after I woke up, chugged some Gatorade and popped some Advil, I began drafting up a business plan.”
Several of Richardson’s friends are in on the ground floor of this thing.
“That’s right — my dad always says to do what you’re good at,” confirmed Olivia Violette, who reportedly spent the weekend drawing lewd pictures with a Sharpie on her passed-out friends’ bodies. “And I’m really, really good at partying.”
Calling their business “Dal’s Pals Bitchin’ Benders,” the young entrepreneurs plan to replicate this weekend’s revelry for customers who need to step their lame-ass events up a notch.
“I’m going to hire these kids to plan, promote, and execute all of my future parties,” said local woman Trudy Heller, who was kept awake all weekend by the celebrating students. “They’ve demonstrated that they know how to really let loose and have a good time — and that ‘let ‘er rip’ attitude is what’s lacking with most traditional event planning companies.”
The students plan to use the income earned to create an even more hedonistic party next fall.
“This time it’ll fill the whole city, not just a few blocks,” said Richardson, before puking on the sidewalk. “And if you want us to help with your next event, we organize baby showers, bachelor parties, anniversary events, weddings — you name it.”