Fredericton — As the coronavirus pandemic continues to devastate the globe, two Canadian maritime provinces — New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island — have managed to keep the virus mostly contained.
Thanks to the tireless work of health-care professionals and the instinctive tendencies of Maritimers to stay home and get drunk in their kitchens, both provinces have had great success in flattening the curve.
While the Island’s economy will surely take a devastating blow this summer with the tourism industry ground to a halt, New Brunswick officials seem optimistic that they will weather the COVID-19 storm virtually unscathed.
“I’m not too worried about it,” Tourism NB spokesperson Guy Buddy told The Manatee over a video call as he lackadaisically bounced a tennis ball off his office wall with his feet planted firmly on his desk. “I think we’ll come out of this just fine.”
The central points of New Brunswick’s tourism industry are natural, explained Buddy, so little upkeep and effort is necessary.
“All’s I got’sta do, really, is make sure the rocks at Fundy don’t topple over, and, well, I guess Elephant Rock there did a few years ago or whatever, but I doubt it’ll happen again. If it does, we’ll have to activate the O.W. Protocol.”
Upon inquiry, Mr. Buddy explained that the O.W. Protocol simply meant saying, “Oh well” and moving on with their day.
“Yup, she’s a pretty easy job here. Don’t pay much, but that’s fine. Bragging rights go a long way around here, and this province has a lot to be proud of.”
With a cocksure grin on his face, Buddy pointed the camera toward a plaque on the wall. “We haven’t managed to crack the Top Ten list of Canadian provinces yet, but we’ve been national limbo champs since Confederation; we keep the bar real low.”