Dieppe’s Champlain mall now comprised entirely of lingerie stores

Dieppe — After many years of careful restructuring, the Champlain Place mall in Dieppe, officially known as CF Champlain, is now made up entirely of stores selling ladies’ intimate apparel.

“Our market information was telling us women were frustrated with only having five or six stores within a 200-foot radius that catered to their lingerie needs, so the decision was made to expand and use as much of our retail space as possible to focus on the needs of this very important demographic,” said CF Champlain spokesperson Amanda Bellavance.

The 820,900-square-foot mall, the largest in Atlantic Canada, is comprised of more than 150 stores, only half of which had been selling lingerie before the restructuring plans were devised to make the shopping centre economically sustainable.

“We used to have one store that sold some men’s jeans out of a moldy box they kept in the corner, but they’ve phased out all the men’s clothes and now they just have a giant crate with ‘2 for $20’ panties with sassy words on them like ‘juicy’ and ‘party grrl’,” Bellavance added. “Now the money’s rolling in — that’s the free market for you.”

“Last week, I wandered into a place called Laura Secord, which I assumed was just another lingerie store, but they just had overpriced chocolates,” said Stacey Poirier, 23, who came to the mall looking to buy a $150 bra and g-string set, made from eight square inches of fabric that cost manufacturers in India about one-twentieth of a penny to make.

“A woman’s gotta treat herself to the finer things in life, y’know,” she added.

Many shoppers in the area decried the loss of the La Senza Express location in Moncton’s northwest end several years ago, but have since been reassured by CF Champlain’s commitment to the multi-billion-dollar-a-year lingerie industry.

“Even with the new Elle Mio opening on Main street in Moncton, I was worried our options for frilly, overpriced undergarments would become limited,” said Tanya Duceppe, 22. “Good thing Champlain Place has us covered with the regular La Senza, the giant Victoria’s Secret that opened a few years ago, La Vie en Rose, the lingerie sections in Sears, Ardene, Addition-Elle, and the other women’s apparel stores that are slowly taking over every inch of available retail space — like that Garage store for all the teenage sluts.”

Julianna Caissie, 32, travelled to Dieppe from Saint John to visit the mall, which she described as a “shopping mecca” for women.

“I hear they are opening an Aerie, too,” said Caissie, who recently wrote a master’s thesis about female body image in advertising and the commodification of women’s sexuality.

“It’s so exciting!”

At press time, there have still been no confirmed reports of any women in the Moncton-Dieppe area ever actually wearing lingerie ever.