Saint John — Coming on the heels of his unpopular decision to ban all jokes at his expense, Mayor Don Darling has announced that he will be launching The Diamond, his own satire website presenting “acceptable” types of comedy, in opposition to what he calls a “certain, unnamed, dumb-ass stupid site that isn’t even funny.”
“I decided that perhaps I was being being a little too reactive when instituting the joke ban,” he told The Manatee, assuming he was talking to CBC. “Listen, I don’t have anything against humour…I love comedy! Spaceballs…funniest movie ever, right? And other things, too. I find other things funny sometimes.”
Darling went on to clarify that while he enjoys a good joke, the thing that he has a problem with is satire that focusses too heavily on the negative. With The Diamond, he hopes to get laughs “the right way,” without “bullying and slander.”
“Right now, the staff is a little small,” admitted Darling. “Just me and my son’s former youth group leader, Gary.”
“Hello,” said Gary, looking up from his computer and smiling.
“It’s been sort of a full-time gig putting this thing together, lately, but we’re hoping that once it begins to pick up a bit, we can take more of a hands-off approach,” said Darling. “Still, Gary and I are extremely proud of the stuff we’ve been churning out. Here, check it out.”
He handed over a laptop that displayed the gaudy, ad-ridden homepage for the The Diamond. Its “top story” was simply a photo of the Saint John skyline, and the words “KNOCK-KNOCK,” written in bold.
…Is that the title?
“Yeah, that’s the title to all the articles. Then, when you click it, you can read the full joke.”
The full joke read as follows:
Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Inclusivity
Inclusivity who?
Inclusivity is, and always has been a major priority in all of my work in my position as Mayor of Saint John, silly!
“Get it?” he asked, expectantly. “It’s kind of like a ‘chicken crosses the road’ sort of thing. It’s funny cause it’s true, you know?”
