Fredericton — Your old Facebook friend from high school, whom you haven’t seen in years and whose posts usually focus on promoting her multi-level marketing “business,” now wants you to know that you should vote in the upcoming election.
Sarah Foster took a break from spamming your timeline with “Bet you won’t share this” clickbait posters to inform you that it’s very important for anyone who wants to make social change to cast their ballots on or before Sept. 14.
“Get out there and vote, people!” she wrote, adding a selfie taken in line at hear nearby returning office. “If you’re not sure how to get to the polls, I will personally spend all day driving anyone who needs to go! Don’t let transportation stop you!”
Her many social media contacts all confirmed that no one has ever been convinced to vote from reading a Facebook status by some random person whose opinion is meaningless.
“Not sure why the selfie was necessary,” Foster’s acquaintance Jesse Schneider told our reporter. “I kind of think that if you’re caught taking voting selfies you shouldn’t be allowed to vote in the first place. But anyway, on the weekend she shared this misleading article from a questionable source, pushing her political agenda, and finished with a long rant about how you need to vote. Is she trying to tell me how I should vote?”
“We all have the same information, and the process is the same as two years ago,” added Eric Lanskey. “She just wants everyone to think she’s engaged in civics and is super intelligent. She’s not fooling anyone. It’s a shame because if anything she’s probably deterred a few people from voting — when they see her going on and on about it they just want to do the opposite. That’s certainly the effect it had on me.”
At press time, Foster was taking another selfie that she planned to post along with a motivating spiel about how voting takes “just a few minutes but can make a huge difference.”