Ford unveils new F-150 ‘New Brunswick’ edition

Toronto — New Brunswick is about to become an important part of Ford’s pilot project to sell optional truck accessories to Canadians.

On Tuesday, Ford Motor Company unveiled new customization technology built for its wildly popular F-150 pickup trucks. The advanced tooling in its Canadian plants allows for hyper-local special editions of its new 2019 vehicles. The first uber-customized truck is planned to roll off the assembly line before the end of this year.

Available in optional “Lobster Orange,” “Camouflage” and “Poutine Gravy Brown,” the 2019 Ford F-150 “New Brunswick Special Edition” has exclusive options that are only available to residents of the Picture Province. Some of these features include:

• The vehicle is 37 per cent heavier than the average Canadian truck.
• Extra hidden cargo space for smuggling alcohol home from Quebec.
• Optional wood panel accents made from real covered bridges.
• All in-dash notifications provided in both English and French at all times (not optional).
• In a pinch, it can be fuelled for up to 100 km solely by Alpine beer.
• On-board navigation gives directions using locations where landmarks used to be (i.e. “Go left by where the Dominion used to be, then go right by the old Sears.”).
• Check engine light apologizes when lit.
• Seats have extra thick layer of “husky” padding.
• Vehicle debt is never paid off due to a structural deficit in the payment plan.
• 25 per cent of the engine smokes.
• When not working regularly, it receives E.I. for up to 18 weeks per year.
• Can float on flooded roads for up to one hour.
• In 50 years, it will self-destruct like the Mactaquac Dam.