Newfoundland and Labrador—Private emails released last week reveal that former prime minister Jean Chrétien was involved in a plan to bury nuclear waste from foreign countries in Labrador. Shortly after the scandal broke, he went on television to address the allegations.
“Well, er, ah, I tot dat nobody remember dat Labrador exist,” he said. “Even, ah, Newfoundland forget about it. I assume dat nobody, uh, care.”
But, a second set of emails, leaked earlier this morning, showed that the dump was only phase one of the plan. Phase two? Using the excess radiation to make a race of “super newfies.”
He further elaborated that it would have been an underground government program, strictly volunteer, to develop a team of newfie superheroes that would work to save the world using the powers of plaid and folk music, or something — they hadn’t quite worked out all of the details.
“Dis would be da phase two,” he explained. “Like de, uh, Marvel movies? You have phase one, where you make all of de main superheroes. Den dey did phase two, which wasn’t so good. Den dey did Infinity Wars and de Endgame. Dat was pretty good, but now dey have nowhere to go with de franchise.”
Did he really think that all of this was going to work?
“Uh…no,” He said lifting a shaky hand to scratch his nose. “We juss tot dat de idea was, uh, very funny. The…uh, ultimate newfie joke, non?”