Fredericton — A local entrepreneur has stumbled upon the formula for ready-made “hippie smell” and will be selling it to New Brunswickers who want the scent of the real deal just in time for festival season.
“Some hippies smell like just B.O. or just patchouli, so I’m saving them the effort of either not bathing or of spraying themselves with that insect repellent. My new perfume is just $69.99 at Aura,” explained innovator Josh Firkenstein, who is not himself a hippie but who has observed the hippie community at length.
“Some of my closest friends are hippies. Well, I don’t mean literally ‘close’ — they stink too bad to get near. But you can text or call them, or yell at them from across a field and they’re some of the nicest people around.”
Firkenstein said he came up with the idea when grocery shopping.
“Even though patchouli reeks to high heaven, people who still wear it are everywhere. Just the other day I was in Superstore and some hippie was wandering the aisles, stinking up the air within a 50-metre radius with patchouli, and what I can only assume was unwashed feet and armpit sweat. Quite a feat.
“It really got me to thinking that this is a perfume that lots of people would wear. Men, women — anyone who’s proud to smell terrible.”
Firksenstein describes the scent he’s concocted.
“It’s the smell of three days into an outdoor music festival where it’s 10 people crammed in a four-person tent. It evokes hula hoops, dreadlocks, weed and dirt mixed with body paint and non-breathable hemp clothing. Everyone knows the smell, but no one has thought to bring it to market yet.”
Hippies are thrilled that their signature scent has been made conveniently available in a portable bottle.
“It’s a lot of work to cultivate that aroma naturally,” said Moonmist RainFeather, dabbing some of the perfume on her wrists.
“This stinks, man,” she added, taking a whiff. “It smells like a Grateful Dead show. I love it!”
I’m offended! Hemp clothing is totally breathable