Fredericton — From Forest Hill to Hanwell, residents of Fredericton’s south side were thrilled to wake up this morning to see a thick blanket of fog covering the “other side” of the city.
“What an amazing way to wake up!” cheered David Hay of Priestman Street, the highest point of the city. “Normally I turn around and face my house when I have my morning smoke because I can’t stand looking at that disgusting, crime-riddled, disease-infested north side. But today, all I could see was fog. It looked like a massive forest fire was burning or something — it was beautiful.”
Hay told The Manatee that his excitement got the better of him and he couldn’t help but wake his wife up to share in the beautiful view.
“At first I thought it must be another tire fire over there,” admitted Hay. “But then I realized that the smoke wasn’t dark enough for tires, and I was able to sit back and just enjoy the view for once. My wife was a little ticked off when I woke her up, but she came around once she gazed at the wide wonder that was before us — it’s the closest we’ve felt to one another in years.”
People all over the south side were out enjoying the morning before the fog eventually burned off.
“It’s so nice to feel safe enough to come outside,” expressed Julia Jones, a downtown resident. “I’m normally kind of scared when I look across the river and see how close those people are to us… I hope it’s foggy like this every day so I can try and forget they even exist.”
Our reporter bravely ventured to Marysville to gauge the northside community’s feelings about the morning fog.
“Those southsiders are nothing but rich snobs,” claimed Peter Huffington. “They always talk about how we’re the worst, but all the recent break-ins and robberies seem to have happened over on their side. I hope this fog lasts, too — all they’ve got over there is old, run-down buildings and hospitals! We’ve got lotsa trees and great people over here.”
Huffington suggested that maybe the fog isn’t enough and the city should look at creating a more permanent separation between the two sides of the city.
“I say we get Trump here once he’s impeached. Let’s get the Mexicans to build us a wall, too.”