Fredericton — Premier Brian Gallant has finally given his long-awaited opinion on whether or not he think the president of the United States of America is cool. The answer? “Hard yes.”
Gallant invited several reporters to meet him at the gym on Sunday morning not only to explain his assessment of Trump, but also to show off his toned biceps.
“Frist off, I’d like to thank you all for coming out today — now who wants to be my spotter?” he asked while curling a 10-pound dumbbell. “I know you guys have been waiting for this, and I’m sure Donald has been, too. So, here goes: I think he’s pretty cool.”
The young premier switched over to a rowing machine before further explaining the intricate thought process behind the determination. “Right away he has a couple of things going for him. He’s rich, hot wife, hot daughter, he’s hilarious on Twitter, he’s a boss, and if someone doesn’t like what he’s saying, he just kicks them out of his conference — man, I wish I had the balls to do that.
“But, he also has some things going against him,” the premier went on, while fast-walking on a treadmill. “Like, he’s pretty old, he doesn’t drink I guess, which is a huge downer, and let’s be honest — he’s not very good-looking.”
The Manatee asked Gallant if there was one thing that put Trump over the edge into the “cool” column, or if it’s just a combination of pros over cons.
“I’m not answering your questions,” replied Gallant. “I only invited you guys here because you always put closeups of my smile on your front page, and I look good.”
Gallant did elaborate more when another reporter asked the exact same question.
“Great question,” he panted, while doing jumping jacks. “The main thing that put him into the ‘cool’ side of things for me is the fact that he’s a peer. Anyone who’s able to reach the same level of power that I have must be kinda cool.”
When asked whether President Trump had reached out to the premier about whether or not he thinks Gallant is cool, or for anything else, Gallant said, “Not yet, but I’m sure he’s heard plenty about me from his daughter who probably thinks I’m a stud — so I’m sure we’ll be in touch soon.”
Gallant ended the meeting while running on the spot and suggesting possible headlines for this story.
“‘Hot premier doesn’t sweat over tough decisions, just from cardio,'” he offered. “Or how about ‘Hot Gallant doesn’t feel heat from press, just from the burning after leg day.'”