Antarctica — The giant iceberg that broke off of Antarctica plans to sail around the world, seeing the sights and checking items off its bucket list before returning in a year or so as an older, wiser hunk of ice.
While the ice has always remained connected to home, it has simultaneously held a deep-seated curiosity for what exciting things may lie beyond its Antarctic borders.
“I know it’s a cliché, but I’m hoping to ‘find myself,’ as it were,” expressed the 5,800-square-kilometre mass of frozen matter. “I’ve been literally attached to my parental continent for thousands of years and it’s time to loosen the apron strings. I mean, I don’t even have my own identity apart from being part of the Larsen C Ice Shelf.
“So lately I’ve been asking myself, do I really want to stay conjoined with Antarctica for the rest of my life? Maybe I’d prefer being part of Canada? People keep comparing me to Prince Edward Island, so I wanna see if there’s something to that.”
Scientists, politicians and journalists have been hypothesizing possible reasons the iceberg might have to voyage aimlessly around Earth like some kind of frozen vagabond.
“People all over the world are worried about what my trip may mean, or what could have caused it, but like…just relax,” said the trillion-tonne glacial mass. “It’s not about the climate, it’s not about global warming, it’s not about you or anyone else — it’s me. It’s always been me. Since the 1960s I’ve felt something of a rift between myself and Larsen C. I think everyone saw it coming. And let’s face it…I’m not getting any colder. It’s now or never.”
Among other things it hopes to accomplish this year, the iceberg intends to swim with the dolphins in Florida, go skydiving, hike the Appalachian Trail, try escargot, and help build a home with Habitat for Humanity.