Heaven — Saint Peter looked uncomfortable outside the pearly gates during God’s exclusive NFL draft party. Manatee staff could hear thunder and f-bombs from inside a large cloud.
“He’s just not available for comment right now,” he said.
Defensive End Derek Barnett was selected 14th overall by the Philadelphia Eagles. It was an emotional moment as the draft took place in Philadelphia.
During his post-draft interview with Deion Sanders, Barnett expressed his pleasure for being selected in the first round and said that he looked forward to attending Eagles training camp.
“Yeah…and?!” bellowed God, according to a source close to The Manatee.
An anonymous source from inside the cloud recorded the Lord’s immediate reaction on his cellphone. The cellphone video cannot be posted on The Manatee website because, being filmed in Heaven, mortals would be blinded immediately upon viewing it. It is also a very large file.
According to a demigod interpreter, the video ends with God tearing down a poster featuring Derek Barnett playing for Tennessee and solemnly erasing his mock draft whiteboard.
Saint Michael confirmed rumours that he will be personally enacting a series of vengeful sanctions that Our Heavenly Father plans to execute on the city of Philadelphia.
“I can’t go into specifics right now,” said the saint, “but chances are that Philly folks won’t even notice, given how shitty that place already is.”