New Brunswick — A Kijiji ad posted by the Government of New Brunswick went viral this morning after Statistics Canada announced that the province’s jobless rate soared to an incredible 10.8 percent in June. According to a labour force report, the provincial economy was down 3,500 jobs last month. This marked the second month in a row the province lost thousands of jobs, and the government won’t rest until it finds each and every one of them.
Opposition Leader Bruce Fitch expressed shock at the news. “The fact that we are down again, that is really disturbing and I’m concerned for the province of New Brunswick,” he said, still visibly shaken. “I just hope they weren’t stolen — and if they were, I pray that the culprit feels guilty and brings them back unharmed. And honestly, I blame Gallant. He was supposed to be president of the Jobs Board and he promised to keep an eye on them. I should have known it was too much responsibility for him.”
“Look, I know I should have kept them under lock and key, but I’ve got a lot going on, you know?” said a defensive Premier Brian Gallant. “So please, if anyone sees the jobs, I would so, soooo appreciate it if you’d report the sighting to the police. Or just throw me a text — I’m available day and night, and you’ve all got my personal number.”
The Manatee asked Gallant to describe the missing jobs, so the public can keep an eye out for them. “They’re mostly low-paying, contract, seasonal jobs, and they’ve got no benefits to speak of,” he explained. “They’re also very elusive, and can be hard to find even when they’re around. Sometimes you think you’ve got one, and then — poof! — they vanish right before your eyes. They’re tricky little buggers.”
The government is offering no reward for the safe return of the jobs, but has promised that in the meantime, it will try to create at least 5,000 more to replace them.